One question that comes up more and more in my coaching conversations is how to build emotional intelligence and effectively use it in a leadership context.

The answer is not simple. Or maybe it is, but it is not easy to put into action, especially if you come, like me, or most leaders I work with, from a task-oriented background.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions, while effectively understanding and influencing the emotions of other people. It also includes social skills and gives people a critical benefit in areas such as relationships, influence, and self-control.

It is about how to deal with people, how to come across in a supportive and trusting way, showing compassion, instilling hope, and creating stability in challenging situations. And it affects all aspects of our life.

The good news is that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened. It encompasses a range of skills, including self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. These skills collectively enable leaders to navigate interpersonal relationships, make informed decisions, and create a positive work environment.

Self- awareness

It starts with self-awareness: how your feelings impact your behavior and interactions with others. What are your native talents and strengths? When are you at your best, and what do you bring in those situations? What do you need from the people around you to be at your best? How do your talents and strengths show up in stressful situations? Know your blind spots, weaknesses, and your emotional triggers, and make a conscious effort to stay present, observe your feelings, and intentionally avoid counterproductive habits.

Self-regulation

Emotions are contagious, and the choices we make have a ripple effect on the people around us. Therefore, self-awareness and self-regulation are critical in challenging situations. Some techniques you may experiment with to enhance self-regulation might be deep breath exercises, reframing the situation and looking for positives in people and in events, or staying focused on your goals and exploring novel ways to achieve them.

Empathy and Compassion

Another key component of emotional intelligence is empathy. As leaders, we need to understand the emotions, motivations, and needs of our team members. At the same time, we need to admit that not all of us are natural empaths (I know I am not one!) so we could sense what other people feel. Therefore, it might be helpful to reframe empathy into compassion: observe people around us and their needs, seek to understand how others see things, listen to their perspectives, show genuine interest in their concerns, and be present.

The Long-Term Impact

Investing in emotional intelligence as a leader yield long-term benefit. Employees who work under emotionally intelligent leaders are more engaged, leading to improved performance and higher retention rates. When team members feel valued, heard, and encouraged to be their best selves, they are more likely to remain committed to the organization and contribute positively to its success.

 

Conclusion

In the world of leadership, the ability to harness emotional intelligence is becoming increasingly essential. Although it may not be an easy task, it’s a learnable skill even for leaders from task-oriented backgrounds. By cultivating self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy (or compassion), leaders can create supportive and trusting environments, fostering strong relationships, conflict resolution, and constructive feedback. The result? Increased employee engagement, improved performance, and higher retention rates—a recipe for effective leadership and strong teams.

In the end, emotional intelligence isn’t just about recognizing and managing emotions; it’s about leveraging those emotions to inspire and lead others effectively. As leaders continue to explore this critical skill, they’ll find that the journey toward emotional intelligence is not only worthwhile but also transformative for both their leadership and their teams.